Say it again and again and again... the importance of repetition

Charles Emory Barnhill

My grandfather was a storyteller. He was also a story-repeater. He told the same stories over and over again. When riding in the car with him as a child, he would tell the same stories every time he passed particular places. Because I did not live near him, I generally did not personally know many of his neighbors and friends, but I knew stories about them. The stories I remember the best are the ones that were the most shocking. Maybe this is related to the vividness of my imagination as he told me the details of a man who got his arm caught in a combine harvester or the man who was severely burned while working on a power line. The one that struck the most fear was the story of the man standing on the side of a highway when a semi-truck passed, and the wind force sucked him up under the passing trailer.

I cannot authenticate any of these stories. I am sure they were based in fact, but I have no knowledge of my grandfather’s accuracy when he told them to me or my own accurate memory these many years later. But I can testify to this. Whenever I am near the roadway where semi-trucks are passing by, I am sure to leave some distance and hold on to something when they pass.

It may be that the most important element of effective communication is repetition, even while it is the most unappreciated. We tend to arrogantly claim that we only need to hear things once. When a parent repeats an instruction, children roll their eyes. When a boss repeats a familiar command, employees complain that it is superfluous. When a teacher reviews material already taught, students complain they already know the material. We tend to believe we can receive information or commands and never again need a reminder or renewed encouragement.

Repetition is unappreciated because it is a reminder of our weakness and frailty. We are forgetful. There were things I knew verbatim while a student that I no longer remember today. If it is not regularly used, our minds tend to archive the information in the recesses of memory, where competency gives way to vague recognition.

We are distractable. Why do my children “forget” to complete tasks that I made clear I expected them to do? When I gave the commands, they acknowledged their understanding and agreement, but the task remained undone at the end of the day. I do not believe that when I gave the command, they were deceptive about agreeing to complete it. I do believe that other things distracted them from the task.

We need regular encouragement. Though the tasks may be straightforward and the goal well defined, we often struggle with losing our passion for the work, becoming discouraged when things become difficult, or moving our attention away from the primary goal. This is why coaches yell for their athletes to press on. This is why leaders constantly repeat the mission statement of the organization. This is why pastors repeat the same truths to their congregations over and over again.

Children roll their eyes, employees grumble, and others complain, but you must employ repetition to be an effective communicator. Repeat again and again truths that must be understood. Repeat again and again lessons that must be learned. Repeat again and again warnings that should be heeded. Repeat again and again encouragements and the reasons for why you do what you do. Do not be dissuaded by the eye rolls. Do not be deterred by the grumbling. Do not be discouraged by the complaints. The more critical the truth, the more often it should be repeated. The more vital the principle, the more regularly it should be expressed. The more dangerous the threat, the more frequent warnings should be given.

Do not be discouraged by eye rolls, grumbling, and complaints. These are actually good indicators of effective communication. You have effectively communicated when you have repeated something so often that it can be reflected back to you verbatim. For example, sometime after the birth of our first child, I began to repeat the phrase, “I love you always and forever no matter what.” I wanted to communicate both the depth of my love but also the unconditionality of it as well. I knew then that it was easy to love a newborn, but soon enough, the terrible twos would come, followed by the stress of teenage years, and at some point, our children would do something that would test their confidence in the surety of my love. And so, I would say the phrase to our children over and over again. It was a phrase received with smiles and joy in the early years. Then there was a period where I would start to say, “I love you always and forever…” when the kids would interrupt me and say, “I know… I know… no matter what.” And there have been a few tearful moments when failure, disobedience, or rebellion has given an opportunity for the deceiver to sow seeds of doubt in our children’s hearts as to whether I would or could still love them. In those moments, seasoned by the salt of tears, I repeated again, sometimes with only a faint whisper, “I love you always and forever. No... Matter... What...” In those moments, the fruit of repetition was well worth the effort.

Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” To train is not a once-and-done event. To train is a continual effort involving repeating over and over again instructions and commands. Through repetition, the instructions are indelibly pressed into the heart and mind.

Today, even as a grown man, I am weary of standing too close to a passing tractor-trailer because of the story my grandfather often repeated. Though many years have passed, I cannot forget it. Do not be ashamed of repeating yourself. Instead, actively develop the skill. Identify what is essential and what you want to communicate, then find ways to repeat it over and over again. Though the ones you are training may not appreciate it in the moment, they will remember what you often repeated to them even when they are old. Novelty is quickly forgotten, but consistency makes a lasting impression. Embrace the importance of repetition, and when you see the eye rolls, you will know you are making progress.